Valentine’s Day does not do a lot to assure us that we are lovable regardless of our relationship status. But in truth, a relationship is not a measure of the love in our lives. Nor is it a measure of our worth.

Why the big emphasis on romantic love, if love is really “all there is?” Perhaps, deep down, we believe that being loved makes us lovable. If another human being declares their love, it feels like validation that we are okay. Desirable. Enough.  Is the need for proof of our own value at the heart of the mad search for a mate? 

Does the old daisy petal tearing exercise, “He loves me, he loves me not,” amount to “I am lovable. I am lovable not?” There is a real danger of buying into that. And yet, that would be a catastrophic mistake. You are lovable whether he or she is tuned into that or not. Outer measures of your lovability are highly unreliable. Let’s face it– Cupid’s aim is hit-or-miss.

Essentially, we are loveable whether we are single and satisfied, looking for love in all the wrong places, partnered, divorced, polyamorous, playing the field, married, immersed in experiments or taking a temporary breather from romance. We are love at the core. It is there to be tapped all the time. The search need not be an outward one. What we really crave ultimately comes from within. You are fabulous. And deep down, you know it. Who else do you have to hear it from to believe it? Really.

Don’t be fooled by the misconception that self-love is conceited. Not so. Conceit is a mask manufactured to compensate for insecurity.  It is not love. It is really the opposite–fear of inadequacy–dressed as pride. Self-love is not a show. Rather, it is the spotlight that allows your inner truth to shine.

If you are on your own this Valentine’s Day, seize the opportunity to love yourself. Do something you love to do. Give yourself a well deserved gift. (Hey- at least there’s no chance it will get screwed up.) Indulge your senses. Play. Surround yourself with what you love. Give love to others, just for the fun of it. Practice loving in creative ways, with forgiveness, non-judgment, patience, presence and big smiles. Explore the less glamourized aspects of love. Love this life. Love what you do.  Love lovable you.

“God ripened me. So I see it is true: all objects in existence are wildly in love.”

 – Meister Eckhart